Artists serve as modern-day griots, colorfully chronicling life. There are all kinds of songs that tell the story of cheating from various perspectives: the woman, the man, the mistress, the I-told-you-so friends. While these R&B tunes are not ranked per se (ex. Top 5 of all time), they are in order of escalating ridiculousness. The two criteria used:

  • Lyrics-How outrageous, trifling or humorous the words (the primary factor)
  • Videos-How the artist chose to bring their tracks to life

I am a fan of all these performers. I’ve highlighted some more paradoxical infidelity examples. With that, let’s do this.

6.  The Boy is Mine, 1998
Brandy and Monica
Inspired by Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney’s “The Girl is Mine,” this updated version earned Brandy and Monica Grammys as well as heartache. Both women are confident in her girlfriend status. They exchange pleasantries and immediate hurl insults (There is no way you could mistake him for your man-are you insane…you may be just a bit jealous of me). Brandy concedes some prior interaction with Monica (You’re the past, I’m the future).

After several minutes of call-and-response arguing, the ladies have an epiphany. They gather his gifts, toss them in the hall and greet the player at Brandy’s apartment. Really tho, neighbors, like right next door. That is some pimpin’ pimpin’ tomfoolery.

 

5.  Me and Mrs. Jones, 1972
Billy Paul
People left more to the imagination when this #1 hit was written by dream team Gamble and Huff. This much is clear: she’s married, he’s attached (she’s got her own obligations…and so do I) and they meet daily at the local cafe. The couple is public with affection and continues to scheme (holding hands, making all kinds of plans). Do y’all have jobs? Where do your families think you are? They make a special trip at the same time, EV-ERY-DAY!

 

4.  Where I Wanna Be, 1999
Donnell Jones
I have a love/hate relationship with this song. Donnell doesn’t technically step out, but feels compelled to heartlessly plead his case for why he doesn’t want to be with his woman. Foolishness ensues from the FIRST line:

I just left my baby girl a message. Sayin’ I won’t be coming home. I’d rather be alone.

He doesn’t have the decency to have this conversation in person or at least via phone. He would rather be by himself then spend one more moment with her. Way to break it to her gently.

He scats his way into, Never did I imagine. That you would play a major part, in a decision that’s so hard. Wait. You’ve been with her for years, but she’s so insignificant that you wouldn’t even consider her. Donnell brazenly looks at other women, hangs out at the club and sows his oats. In his defense, he seems to be struggling with grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome. Then he stalks her and bangs on the restaurant window when she’s on a date. Love? Possessiveness? Fine line.

 

3.  In Love With Another Man, 2008
Jazmine Sullivan
The ENTIRE song Jazmine sings to her boyfriend about the love of her life—the side piece! There is one particularly illuminating, callous section

I can’t explain why it’s him and not you
But at the end of the day, baby, I just don’t want to
Cause he ain’t no doctor, nah and we always seem to fight
He ain’t got the perfect body and sometimes he don’t even treat me right

He sounds like a winner. She ain’t even trying to mend fences. Jazmine is apologetic but resolute, I’m so sorry, hey, but I love someone else.

 

2.  Maybe I Deserve, 2001
Tank
What I like about Tank is that he points out his foolishness right in the title. Durrell Babbs discusses his several instances of infidelity (I wanna be mad after all those times). Then, gets in his feelings as his mate dresses to go out with another man. At this point, y’all should just peace each other out. Things go from eerily calm to crazy real quick. To grab your neck until you let me know…chase you down the street. You’re witnessing intimate partner violence, people. Tank confesses he’s insecure and a man can’t take another man taking our woman…but we do the same shit. Touché Tank, touché.

 

1.  Confessions and Confessions Part 2, 2004
Usher
Usher talks about how Confessions was an amalgamation of people’s lives that worked on this 8x platinum album. Well, then they are a hot mess. Usher seizes every opportunity to inform his significant other that forthcoming disclosures will get progressively worse (Brace yourself). The equivalent of the infomercial, “But wait, there’s more!” There are several inconsistencies amongst the song versions. Let’s see what’s gonna make her so mad, to punch him in the face:

  • Everything he’s been doing is all bad (not one redeeming action)
  • There is a chick on the side
  • He provided a crib and ride
  • He continuously lied about his whereabouts
  • Usher and said young lady have been involved for months
  • Conspicuously dating in public
  • Unprotected sex has occurred (see previous item)
  • The child’s paternity is in question (also increasing the spread of STIs)

Mr. Raymond purports his confessions are not self-serving. His proclamations speak to the contrary:

  • I can no longer walk around with this stress on my chest
  • Hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to do
  • How I ain’t ready for no kid and bye bye to our relationship
  • I’m man enough to tell you this
  • And the cherry on top, Hopefully you’ll give me another chance

Another chance at what? Continued debauchery? Nah, she’s good.

There is actually a Confessions 3.

What are some R&B songs that you think are ridiculous? Put them in the comments below.

 

lyricfancy uses music as a conduit to humorously discuss human nature. This article is in no way a personal judgment about the artist. We believe in creative expression.

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